


Rat Jelly Bagging the Bunny

by doctorweber



Category: Looney Tunes | Merrie Melodies
Genre: Detective Noir, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-18
Updated: 2018-07-18
Packaged: 2019-06-12 16:06:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15343497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doctorweber/pseuds/doctorweber
Summary: Bugs Bunny walks into the detective's office, intent on breaking their resolve. The tango begins, a dance of intrigue, murder, and love.





	Rat Jelly Bagging the Bunny

**Author's Note:**

  * For [RatJelly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RatJelly/gifts).



> I'm going to hell, but Rat Jelly's packing my bags. Bone apple tea.

“Nyah, that’s the spot, Doc,” Bugs moaned into the pillow, biting it with his large front teeth to silence his scream. “Is it, Bugs? Are you fucking sure? Or do you want some more?” Rat snarled, pounding with a lightning fury into his tiny, clenched rabbit asshole with the ten inch silicone strap-on, free hand tightening the belt to uncomfort. Rat wanted it to hurt as much from either end, but Rat knew the bunny’s ass was taking a tremendous pounding regardless. Bugs was the perfect bottom, willing and sassy, with a hint of superiority just begging to be undone. “Fuck, Bugs Bunny, your hole is so tight, I could fuck it for eternity,” Rat said, sweat pooling on their brow. It was taking all of their exertion to fuck the bunny right and their arms started to shake on Bugs Bunny’s furry hips. Gripping the silky fur harder, they yanked him backward onto the strap-on in a jerky movement, losing their composure. “Your carrot is divine, Rat, puh-puh-puh-please thump it into me,” Bugs pleaded, arching his back in a wanton backward thrust. Rat complied until they were a sweaty, messy tangle of sheets and bodies, both desiring and desired. Loving and leaving, even in the act.

It started out simply enough. He’d walked into Rat’s small, decrepit office with the longest legs Rat had ever seen, high heels stomping on the stained carpet and Rat’s stained heart. They imagined taking off the dress and those svelte legs going all the way up to the heavens. Bugs Bunny sat on Rat’s desk with those long old legs and leaned back. “I’ve heard you’re the detective to go to when a rabbit has a problem, huh?” Bugs asked, batting his big bunny eyelashes in Rat’s direction. Rat sighed, shutting the bottom drawer of the desk. The one with the revolver. It seemed a dame would walk in every other day or so, demanding a pro bono case on account of their beauty. Oh, my husband’s diamonds disappeared. Oh, my husband’s run off. Oh, I killed my husband. Rat was sick of it. All they wanted was a straight case, no drama. Bugs seemed to offer the opposite. But like a whirlpool, Rat was helplessly sucked into those big, terrified bunny eyes. They agreed to take the case without hearing the particulars. The cases were all the same. So was the cheap whiskey.

“I’ll start on it tomorrow, doll,” Rat said with a forlorn sigh. “Dontcha want to hear about the case? I’m being hunted I tell ya, by a human who wants me for my pelt,” Bugs said, adjusting said pelt to best advantage, his cleavage showing in the low, low, low cut dress. “Which human?” Rat asked, pouring out two drinks from their good, sipping whiskey, reserved for clients. An infinite pause. “You, Doc,” Bugs said with a heaving sigh, draping the white dress to fall off his shoulder seductively. Rat handed him the whiskey. “You’ve got it twisted, sweetheart. I haven’t hunted for rabbit meat in ten years,” Rat said, downing their glass. “Au contraire, Buster, the way you looked at me in the Frolic Room over your martini, like I was the only rabbit in the world. I had to find you again,” Bugs said. “I was drunk and you were the prettiest dame in there, nothing personal, kid,” Rat said, unbuttoning their sleeves, cuffing them up to the elbow. The heat of the Los Angeles afternoon was oppressive, as was the rampant racism and misogyny. “Shucks, I bet you say that to all the wabbits,” Bugs said, daintily hopping off the well-worn desk and facing Rat. He grabbed their now bare arms, furry thumbs on their tender human flesh.

“You’re gonna cause me no end of trouble, you know that? Am I just a rabbit in a bar to you? Or the prettiest dame in the most exclusive bar in town?” Bugs asked, looking into Rat’s eyes and searching out the answer. The answer was apparent. Their mouths met in a shattered constellation of broken promises. There they stood, interlocked in a neverending duet of souls, the hunter and the hunted, each wanting to pursue and be pursued. Bug’s kisses peppered Rat’s neckline, and Rat knew the lipstick would never wash off, not truly. That lipstick would be there for a million years, for all eyes to see. Nothing was hidden anymore, least of all Rat’s desire. The rabbit had given them come hither eyes in every bar in town, that much was true, but Rat was not the type of person to willfully seek out their own abyss. Nor fornicate with it.

“We can’t, doll, not now, and not ever. The cops here have got me out on a bum rap,” Rat said, backing away, sticking their hands in their pockets. This whole, infernal town got them twisted. “So you’re all cheesy now? Hiding in a broken down, no good backstreet while the PD takes your job away? That ain’t the detective I knew once upon a time,” Bugs Bunny said, crossing his arms petulantly. “Don’t bust my chops, honey. You’ve got a lot of nerve coming in here after your last husband died under mysterious circumstances,” Rat said, turning back to their whiskey. “Oh, well, we almost had a romantic ending. Too bad I had to kill him,” Bugs said with a disdainful simper. What a dame, what a proper rabbit. Too bad standing next to Bugs was like standing next to the ocean. You didn’t know if it would swallow you up or spit you out.

“I figured you killed him. Is that his diamond around your neck?” Rat asked, sitting down to the desk again. Bugs quickly took the opposing seat, crossing those legs again. So proper. “Sure, but it would never have worked out. He wanted a house bunny, you know.” They sipped their whiskey and sat back, studying each other. “I’ve always wanted you,” Rat said with a heavy sigh, “But high class dames don’t go for gumshoes like me.” Bugs took off his fur stole, showing even more fur. “Don’t worry, I have big feet,” he said, uncrossing those long, long legs and giving a tantalizing glimpse of what was underneath the dress. Rat drank their whiskey and licked their lips. “I’ll bet you do,” Rat said. Bugs Bunny got up and made for the door, before turning. He’d planned it, down to the second, Rat knew.

“Take me home, or take me here, your choice,” Bugs Bunny said. Rat finished their whiskey with a dramatic tilt. “I’ll take you here, if you don’t mind, doll,” Rat said. Their tango started and didn’t stop.


End file.
